As much as it has been used in the movies, stripping a daisy is not the best way to know if a person really loves you. Neither is trying to get a glimpse of their feelings, as it requires an interpretation in which it is very easy to make mistakes. It doesn’t even help to ask: even if your boyfriend no longer loves you, he will answer with a resounding “yes”.
According to the psychologist John Gotman, one of the most renowned couples’ therapists, only the behavior of our beloved can offer us a real sample of what he is feeling for us. When we are in love, it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur: words are never as precise as they should be, and what is a compliment to one party can be an insult to the other. That is why the only thing we can trust is what our partner really does, the day-to-day actions, which we must scrutinize with purely objective criteria.
When we are in love, it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur: words are never as precise as they should be
Psychologist Susan Krauss has compiled 11 clues that, following Gotman’s theory, can help us to know what our partner is really feeling. Pretty words aren’t enough. It’s the facts that matter. And, although all couples fail to make some of the points from time to time, if you see that your loved one fails in most of them, or you think that you are the one who fails continuously, you should start to think that something is not working in your relationship. If you are having problems with your love life, try this program called His secret obsession.
Eleven keys to knowing if your partner really loves you
1. He wants to spend time with you
When we love someone else we want to spend time with them. This does not mean that we need to be with our partner all the time, but we will make an effort to spend some time alone, no matter how much work, family and other commitments make it difficult for us. If your partner really makes sacrifices to spend more time with you, he or she loves you.
2. He asks you how your day went
It seems obvious, but not everyone cares about their partner’s day-to-day life. You may not be too interested in the stories that the person you love is going to tell you about their work, but if you really love them, you will be interested in them. Love is not built on the ethereal, but on the practical: our partner has to care about our daily problems and help us overcome them. If they don’t, they probably don’t love you enough.
3. He trusts you
He is not obsessed about you, but trusts you alot. Without trust, it is impossible for a relationship to last: if someone really loves you, they will always give you the benefit of the doubt and will not go around doubting your honesty. Usually, all situations of jealousy, or suspicions that the other person is not being completely sincere, arise from small misunderstandings that have not been dealt with in time. Sooner or later all couples experience problems of this kind. Couples that last over time are those who know how to deal with these attempts at mistrust as soon as they appear, raising the situation openly, and tackling it at its roots. The more distrust, the less love.
4. It helps you when you need it
Again, to value the love a person has for us we must put our feet on the ground. It doesn’t matter that our partner tells us how much he loves us all the time if he is not able to help us when we need it. Adding extra tasks to our daily lives is a burden that does not have great rewards: the effort your partner makes to help you is a demonstration of love much greater than the great gift he gave you for your birthday.
5. Respect your opinions
Although common interests are important to a couple’s health, it is not necessary for people in love to share the same political ideas or musical tastes. They need to respect and value each other’s opinions. Treating our partner’s opinion without respect, or belittling his or her point of view on something, is not the best sign of love we can offer.
6. Include you in their decisions
In a love relationship it is important that each party retains some independence, but there are certain decisions we should not make without consulting our partner. After all, especially if the couple lives under the same roof, any individual decision will affect both people: no matter how much you think otherwise, the way you spend your time and money will have consequences for the relationship. Someone who loves you will consult with you on important decisions, at least to know what you think.
7. Show your physical affection
Not all couples need the same sexual frequency to function, but all need some physical contact. Love must be demonstrated daily with small gestures. If your partner does not show you any love, he may have stopped loving you.
8. He’s looking at you.
The non-verbal language your partner shares with you is essential for knowing his deepest feelings. Some people have difficulty showing their affection verbally, but sometimes a look is much more expressive. People in love are also capable of maintaining eye contact that would be too violent between people with less confidence.
9. Likes to talk to you about the past
Long-haul couples who enjoy remembering moments of the past, proud of what they lived, keep their bond in good shape in the present. If your partner remembers past moments of the relationship fondly (although you may have overlooked them), you are still important to him and he still loves you.
10. He stands up for you
Does your partner defend you when someone criticizes you, or does he immediately join the attacker? It is very common that, in couples who have been together longer, the parties make fun of their partner’s faults, something that is especially worrying if it is done in a group and in the presence of the loved one. And it is a clear sign that things are not going well. Someone who is still in love will defend his or her beloved as much as possible.
11. It makes you feel good
Until now, all the keys to knowing if we are truly loved were based on our partner’s behavior, but we can feel the love that is returned in our own flesh. If a person really loves us, it will improve our self-esteem and make us feel good. This does not mean that our partner will make a horrible day at work into a wonderful day, but it may make it less bad.
Learn how to make your boyfriend love you more !